


first, you pluck your brows  (like a ninja)

by KyloCumSlut69 (okaypianist)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Canon Compliant, Crack, Crack Relationships, EPIX WEPIX, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Humor, I swear it gets Reyloier, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, canonverse, in its own silly mangled way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-25 12:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22495762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okaypianist/pseuds/KyloCumSlut69
Summary: ~~~~~ "Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test... now that Kylo Ren is challenging YOURNAME Ren for the title!!!!" owo ~~~~~
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/Rey, Kylo Ren/You, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 15
Kudos: 21





	1. Look at those shoes- they've seen a lot of mileage on the dance floor

~~~~~ "Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test... now that Kylo Ren is challenging you, yourname Ren. owo ~~~~~

Kylo Ren is the Master of the Knights of Ren. He has been Master for awhile now. At least as long as you have lived on this Star Destroyer.

The day after you turned eighteen, you flew here in a starship you hot-wired all by yourself, and you walked right up to General Hux and said, "Hi, General Hux, my name is YOURNAME and I will do whatever it takes for the cause." He said sure okay and let you stay and found you your own quarters with your own fresher - water! not sonic! - and got you some black clothes because for some reason everyone here likes to wear black clothes even though of course you look best in YOURFAVORITECOLOR.

But anyway. Now you are nineteen, and you have learned so much in the last year that you would love to be a Knight of Ren. You learned so much in combat training and at sleepaway summer camp with the Nightsisters from Dathomir that honestly you don't want to just be A Knight, you want to be The Knight. So you walked right up to Kylo Ren and you said, "Hi, Kylo Ren, my name is YOURNAME and I want to challenge you to be the head Knight of Ren," and you batted your space Ardell Wispies, and you waited for him to tell you to go away.

But.  
He didn't.  
He didn't tell you to go away.  
He told you that...  
That he knew you.

"I know who you are, yourname," said Master of the Knights of Ren Kylo Ren, and today he wasn't even wearing his big black mask on top of his big black hair, and his big dark eyes somehow looked even bigger and darker as they stared just a little bit down into your eyes because you are only two inches shorter than Kylo Ren when you wear your Space Lobowtins and you would swear his eyes just kept getting darker.

"I know who you are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of character for a second: This is purely to make fun of myself. I get overly concerned and anxious when I write anything serious, so I promised myself that if I just Wrote Something, it could be as ridiculous as possible. No tea, no shade, no pink lemonade.


	2. and your hair is bad news what happened with those highlights they so lowlife

_ok so there was like a lot of controversy in comments and curious cats and on the paytreeon about why the Summary says Kylo challenges Reader but in the Text so far Reader challngers Kylo and i just want 2 say that maybe just WAIT and SEE im not trying to TRICK you im teying to INTRREST YOU in the FUTURE PLOT its called FORSHADOWING pick up a BOOK luvs okeee byeeee_

Kylo clears his throat and stares into your YOUREYECOLOR eyes for so long that you start to wonder why has it been so long?

Then you remember about how last chapter he said  
I know who you are  
and you realize you are probably supposed to speak.

"Um," you say, "Master Kylo Ren of the Knights of Ren, how do you know who I am?" You say.

He looks over your shoulder to make sure there is no one else down the Star Destroyer hallway spying on you and then he looks back over to you and he says, "Everyone knows who you are. In your space ardell wispies and your space Louisbowtonns and your YOUREYES color eyes."

You blink those ardell space wispies a few times and then you say back to Kylo Ren, "so Kylo Ren, do you except my challenge? Can I battle you for the title of the master of the nights of the Ren?"

Kylo clears his throat again and rolls his pouty plush red soft pink pillowy big smooth luscus dry lips and says ok sure I except your challenge let's do this YOURNAME

|~~insert chapter break here~~~~~


	3. there's really no excuse you're on the second day of all night parties you wanna stay up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so *****previously on ninjabrows******** since it's been awhile 
> 
> "Kylo clears his throat again and rolls his pouty plush red soft pink pillowy big smooth luscus dry lips and says ok sure I except your challenge let's do this YOURNAME"
> 
> and so you hurry back to your quarters that General Hux found for you with your water fresher and your transparisteel windows and your space strings of fairy lights and your 13 succculllents that all have cheerful names like bonny and boop and you change clothes from black to more black, yes, but the lengths and widhths are different and materials are different but you are a woman who doesn't care that much about clothes so to you it's all black clothes.

ok so *****previously on ninjabrows******** since it's been awhile 

"Kylo clears his throat again and rolls his pouty plush red soft pink pillowy big smooth luscus dry lips and says ok sure I except your challenge let's do this YOURNAME"

and so you hurry back to your quarters that General Hux found for you with your water fresher and your transparisteel windows and your space strings of fairy lights and your 13 succculllents that all have cheerful names like bonny and boop and you change clothes from black to more black, yes, but the lengths and widhths are different and materials are different but you are a woman who doesn't care that much about clothes so to you it's all black clothes.

Then. You hurry to the training room that the nights of Ren all use and is supposed to be a secret but of course you just instinctly knew where it was and you press your palm in the scanner and it opens magickly for you and it lets you in even though it's a secret door with a secret code

Wow I didn't aspect you here so quickly says Master Kylo Ren; he's already in the room; he's wearing also different clothes but also still all in black clothes; his hair looks more sweatier then it did before when u saw him not that long ago; you wonder how it got so sweaty; is he nervous of you ? ; you don't ask him about the sweatyness though because it's time; time to fight.

"It's time," I say in a pure cure sweet deep girly bubbly sexy voice, "time to fight."

Master at least for now Kylo ren twirls his practicing saber around a few times and throws you one wirh the other hand and hes got his gloves on and your mind goes to a dirty place hehehe you love thinking about his gloves but you blink your wispys and fix your YOUREYECOLORHER orbs on him and you say let's go.


	4. and never come down you wanna sneak in but they’re throwing you out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren of course is a pretty good real fighter so it makes sense that he’d be also a pretty good fake fighter. You are working up a bit of a sweet, delicate, ladylike glisten of a sweat as you pretend fight the Master of Knights of Ren in his training room. You leap and twirl and jump and dodge and dip and duck and dive and dodge.

Kylo Ren of course is a pretty good real fighter so it makes sense that he’d be also a pretty good fake fighter. You are working up a bit of a sweet, delicate, ladylike glisten of a sweat as you pretend fight the Master of Knights of Ren in his training room. You leap and twirl and jump and dodge and dip and duck and dive and dodge.

Kylo Ren is big and strong and eventually you figure out that he is not sticking to the center of the mat for a reason. He has been herding you like a Nerf. He nerfherded you right over to the edge of the Matt. Now you are pressed against one cold dark durasteel wall and looking up into his cold dark durasteel eyes. He flings away your practice saber and his practice saber and you technically are not pinned by anything to the wall, well maybe the Force... it feels like something important is keeping you against this wall, but not in a creepy way. No it’s not the Force. He would not do that, it’s just the lowercase f force (haha) of your feelings for him keeping you there and staring up at him blinking your Space Ardell Demi Whispys and your nineteen year old chest heaving and panting.

“I win. I am still the Master,” he growls but like in a soft cute way that you know is actually gently, “and as the Master you know I can take whatever I want,” and then he boops your nose.


	5. you’re trash, baby, that’s a fact, but I like you even more ‘cause of that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *shows up eleven months later on takodana with space starbucks*

You have never been so insulted in all of your long nineteen wise years of life. Why is he acting like you are just some little punk who deserves a nose boop, instead of a fierce warrior Nightsister sleepaway camp graduate who deserves respect?

“Why are you acting like I am just some little punk who deserves a nose boop?” You ask.

The still- for now- Supreme Leader just blinks at you and smirks at you and you wonder if he also wears Ardell Space Wispies and Perricone MD Space No Makeup Lipstick because he is just so delectable.

“Nice try, kid,” Kylo says. “You are welcome to train here with my Knights and me. I had already decided to let a few new people inside the gym. That is why I told Hux to have your hand scan work at the doors.”

And so now you are thinking what the fuck. He thinks you are good enough to be in the company of Knights, but not be granted the rank of Knight (authors note: look up why that sentence feels particularly star warsy, something about Kylo’s hot grandpa)? He already knew this would happen before you did? How could he?

And so then you remember. The Force. Maybe the dark side of the Force told Kylo that you were good enough and that is why he let you into the training rooms. You are not out of chances to prove yourself.You can still do this.

“Master Kylo,” you ask, “Did the Force tell you anything else about me?”


End file.
